Are you wanting to thrive, or just survive?

As a new mother, are you wanting to thrive, or just survive?

138461314_795723641015181_1892871396862172052_o.jpg

Over the last week I’ve heard, across multiple forums, Women either saying that they will just ‘wait and see’ as to whether they need postpartum support, or saying that their partner isn’t on board with investing in postpartum support. Sadder still, I’ve seen many mothers in early postpartum reaching out on social media groups for words of wisdom because they are struggling postpartum and have NO POSTPARTUM SUPPORT in place, whether that be family, friends or paid support. My heart breaks when I read these womens words.


I’m blessed now to be living in a beautifully supportive community. Just this week a new birth was announced in our village and the first 3 weeks of meals was organised by neighbours within 12 hours of the call going out! It’s pretty special. And even with this support this new mamas postpartum is likely to challenge her to her core. I’m not saying this to create fear around Motherhood. I say this because I see Mothers struggling time and again, or I hear about it ONCE they have gone through the fog and have come out the other side a few years later. Motherhood challenges you, and the early days, especially, can be a huge shift. It’s not just the lack of sleep and being responsible for a tiny human for the first time, but when our baby is born, we ourselves are born as a new mother. A new version of ourselves arises…and finding our way in this new skin can take time. Not just weeks, but months, and often years. When we become a newborn mother we need and deserve the same care we ourselves provide to our new baby. So who is responsible for nurturing YOU? How would that look and feel?

alicia-petresc-1144261-unsplash.jpg

When planning postpartum, many women see their partner as the answer, but they going through their own rite of passage too - as a Father. They are just getting by and have no real idea about what is needed to nurture a new mother in this time. How could they? Our culture is , with respect, pretty terrible at nurturing new mothers. How often do visitors appear to “Meet the new baby” empty handed, or at best, with a gift for the baby. Generally, as a visitor, they are then ’hosted’ by the new mother. Sometimes the mother feels she needs to retreat in to a separate room to feed baby. It’s completely back to front. Visitors should be bringing food, offering to help around the house, waiting on the new mother. Making sure that the Mother and baby are comfortable, doing and being however they need. So it’s no wonder our partners have little idea about optimal postpartum care.  

annie-spratt-370996-unsplash.jpg

If you are preparing for postpartum, or newly postpartum (within the first 6-12 months) I invite you to ask yourself these question:

1. What would a thriving postpartum look like?

2. What would you need to put in place to make this a reality?

3. What is one small step you could take towards this?

These are the questions I love supporting Women to answer for themselves. These are the questions, if acted upon, can make the difference between surviving and THRIVING. Don’t we all want to thrive?

If these words call you, and you’d like to prepare to thrive during your postpartum period then please get in touch at anne@blissfulmothers.com.au or use the contact button below.

Why don't we talk about postpartum?

I was inspired to write this piece following my Mothers Circle on Sunday. We were sharing some of the challenges we had face over the previous week, which led to some reflections about motherhood generally and the importance of the postpartum period. I won’t share the specifics as that stays between those in the circle but, not for the first time, a light was shone on the fact that what we experienced in the postpartum period was a huge surprise, and that, in part, is because we just don’t talk about it.

Read more

Soup glorious soup! A perfect postpartum meal.

Following a few discussions with new Mothers about meal planning, recipe ideas and batch cooking, I thought I’d share a couple of soup recipes, over the next few weeks. I make these soups most weeks during winter, usually for lunch. I say recipes, but I improvise a lot based on a some core ingredients. The recipes are very forgiving and adaptable so IDEAL for those times when you might have some random veggies in the fridge that need using up, or are short of time and energy and are struggling to pull a nutritious meal together. It’s totally normal to experience these moments with early postpartum, especially if you haven’t got others cooking for you…..and, who are we kidding, if you are anything like me, life pretty much looked like this beyond the first few months and well in to the first couple of years.

There are lots of delicious postpartum specific recipes available that have specific warming or grounding elements. The ones I’m sharing today are everyday recipes that my whole family eat, that I might just tweak a little here and there depending on how newly postpartum a Mother is.

crissy-jarvis-sZGBifFHgdk-unsplash.jpg

So, these are recipes you can make pretty easily, or better still, a partner, friend or family member could make for you if they come to visit. Better still, they could make it at their home and bring it with them when they visit so any mess is made in their kitchen and not yours!! The soups keep well in the fridge for a few days and also freeze well. The ideal for postpartum is that you eat freshly cooked, warming meals, but let’s be honest, some days you need the convenience of something made the day before or that you can grab out of the freezer. If so, just re-heat as much as you need on the stove.

The first recipe I’m going to share is good old Minestrone Soup. I use the recipe below as a base and some days I add other things depending on mood or what I have in the fridge.

Ingredients:

1 large onion

2-4 sticks of celery

3-5 carrots

1 leek

1/4 cabbage (I tend to use green/white cabbage or savoy)

monika-grabkowska-_sOjQAx0bzI-unsplash.jpg

1-2 garlic cloves or granules are also fine

teaspoon of dried herbs (I tend to use mixed herbs but oregano or basil is great too)

2 ripe large tomatoes

Stock/broth of choice (I generally use chicken or beef as it’s collagen rich (great postpartum) but I have used vegetable in the past)

Salt and pepper to taste

Choice of oil/fat to sautee veggies (ghee, butter, olive oil or duck fat all work fine - ghee is my preference for postpartum )

A tablespoon of tomato puree/paste (optional)

A handful or two of macaroni pasta or rice (optional)

A few slices of bacon or pancetta (optional)

Method:

  1. Chop the veggies to a size of your liking. 

  2. Briefly fry the onion , and bacon if you're using it, then add the celery carrots and tomatoes, stir in the garlic and the seasoning then cover and cook gently for about 20 mins. 

  3. Pour in the stock to generously cover the veggies  and simmer gently, covered, for about an hour. Then stir in the leeks, cabbage, macaroni (if using) and tomato puree and cook, uncovered, until the veg and macaroni are cooked.

In terms of the timings, they are pretty loose. I sometimes add the leeks in earlier with the carrots etc and add the cabbage in when I add the stock then just leave it to cook, especially if I’m time poor. Whatever I do it usually ends up pretty yummy. My point is, it’s very forgiving and if you get called away to deal with nappies, feeds, big emotions, whatever the day brings it should be okay just simmering for a bit longer.

A traditional minestrone usually has macaroni pasta or rice so you can add a handful of this in if you like. I’m more about the veggies so generally don’t bother but it does bulk it up and the kids prefer it. You can add bacon if you like but totally not necessary. 

You can easily add more or different veggies. In the past I’ve added zucchini, butternut squash, sweetcorn, kale and even asparagus (though I add that at the end). It’s also not the end of the world if you don’t have one of the veggies listed. I quite often made it without the leek.

A batch like this makes about 2 litres (give or take) which easily provides 4 hearty portions and will store on the fridge for a few days and you could  just double it if you wanted plenty to freeze or you have more people to feed. 

A note on stock/broth - this is a great postpartum food. Nothing beats homemade broth (a great job to outsource to others if you have a newborn). Rich in collagen, great for healing postpartum. Homemade broth isn’t alway possible and I’d certainly prefer you were resting than trying to find time to make broth sooooooo, know that there are now quite a few decent brands of broth concentrate (not stock cubes) that you can have to hand in the fridge. They are great for using in soups, and I also often add a spoonful in to other dishes I make for taste and to boost the nutrient density of the meal. Some brands I’ve tried and tested and have the thumbs up from me are Gevity Bone Glue (odd name I know, but it’s basically broth concentrate), Broth O Life, Best of the Bone and Nutraorganics. I have no affiliation with any of these brands, there are others around I’m sure. I use the first 3 regularly and I trust the ingredients and how they are made. The key is to make sure they are made from quality ingredients, ones you would find in home cooked broth. Increasingly you can also find fresh stock in the fridge section of many health stores if that suited better.

"I had too much postpartum support" said no Mother ever!

When women support each other incredible things happen.

I’ve seen this time and again. It’s magical. Yet it’s not, in my experience, the norm…often because we don’t ALLOW ourselves to be supported. So many women, especially mothers, are judging themselves so harshly and we are so busy trying to come across as a  ‘competent mother’ and a ‘capable individual’ that we don’t always let people in on our struggles. Even those close to us.

rod-long-TzgZrZQFVPc-unsplash.jpg

I was reminded over the weekend just how challenging being mother to a newborn is, and how isolated we can feel if things aren’t going as well as we think they should. If we aren’t coping as well as we think we should we conclude it must be US. That being a mother is coming easy to everyone else and the we are the only ones not handling it. The big secret is, you are not alone in this.  So, so many of us have been there, myself included. It’s a rare soul that has it all sorted. Some are just better at hiding it than others. The thing is we are all so busy hiding our struggles we miss the opportunity both for connecting over those struggles and for receiving support.

Mama’s, this gig is tough. Even with some support around us, it rarely matches the support we need as new mothers, the support seen in so many other cultures. We were never meant to parent as a nuclear family. We were meant to parent in community and with the support of community. 

I get how hard it can be to even organise yourself. How hard it can be to ask for or even accept help when it’s offered. But know that you ARE deserving of support. You deserve to be looked after, to be cooked for, to have someone else look after the daily or weekly chores. To be nourished with food, so that YOU can focus on rest, to heal from birth and bond with your baby. It’s how it is MEANT to be. 

So, how can you get that support? What are your options?

  • Call on your family and friends. Make use of meal train to ensure meals for the first month (or at least the first few weeks) are organised without you lifting a finger. Assign people to help with specific things, like picking your older kids up from daycare /school, doing the shopping, organising the laundry, giving the house a vacuum, to give you a foot rub. We often think we are imposing on others by asking for help, but most people LOVE to feel helpful. Helping people makes us feel good. My advice would be to be clear about the type of help you want so you get your needs met, rather than their efforts of help ending up being addition stress or irritation.

  • Get professionals in to fill the gaps. A cleaner, childcare, gardener, someone to do the laundry, a massage therapist. Whatever will allow YOU to relax. It’s worth getting these services in place so you have already built a relationship and know you can rely on them, also that you are comfortable with them being in your space (if the service requires)

maddi-bazzocco-TOZqUHD8L38-unsplash.jpg
  • Arrange specific postpartum support, similar to above, but postpartum doulas and the like are focused specifically on your needs at that time. Postpartum Doula and what they offer will vary somewhat, some have particular expertise, but all should be there for YOU!

  • Look at whether there are any community initiatives in your area. Gradually the need for greater support for new Mothers is beginning to be recognised. The Meals for Mamas initiative is a great example, where local volunteers cook for new mothers in the area, often co-ordinated through Facebook or other social media platforms.

  • Lastly, never underestimate the value of emotional support, whether it be through connecting with your friends, through a mothers circle, a like minded mums group or through a professional you resonate with (this could be a postpartum doula, it may be a therapist, counsellor or social worker with an specific interest in supporting mothers). I’ve listed this one last, but I’ll be honest, personally, when things are going to sh*t, it’s this that can really turn my day or week around.

Think about what support you may need postpartum BEFORE baby arrives. Feel in to what might be right for you. It’s so much easier to have it in place before the birth than to be trying to co-ordinate support once you are overtired, emotional and juggling the needs of a newborn.  

Remember “I had too much postpartum support” said no mother ever!!

I’ll soon be available again for postpartum support, along with my current Birth Mentoring and Mothers Circles services, but in the meantime, feel free to contact me for 1:1 birth preparation or postpartum planning sessions, or if you need help finding a postpartum doula near you. There’s also a helpful directory of postpartum workers on the Newborn Mothers website at https://newbornmothers.com/directory#!directory/ord=rnd

neil-thomas-SIU1Glk6v5k-unsplash.jpg

That Light Bulb Moment

We all have our light bulb moments. Everyone’s moment will look very different but when it happens it's hard not to LISTEN.

I've had a few big light bulb moments since having children. The most significant being at around 8 weeks postpartum, when according to some, the postpartum period is ticked off, yep, that’s right, done and dusted! However I still felt like I was in the thick of it. I WAS in the thick of it.

Read more

Are you worth it? I say a resounding YES!

I’ve thought for some time as to whether to (re)post this meme. So many people get uncomfortable when we talk about money. Heck, I get uncomfortable talking about money.  Money, and perceptions around money and worth, can be a sensitive topic but I’d love to have the conversation. May we?

Read more

"Don't Wait Until You Are Thirsty To Dig The Well" - Planning for Postpartum

The postpartum weeks are a time of great change for a new mother, physically, mentally and emotionally.  How you journey through this period can have a lasting impact on your life as a mother and as a woman. As Ysha Oakes said ’the first 42 days after birth set the stage for her next 42 years’. So why in our society is this important time for the new mother so ignored, both in our planning for becoming a mother, and during the time itself?

Read more

Are Bliss Balls the answer to everything?

Staying nourished in the days and weeks after the birth of your baby can be a challenge. We aren’t all in a position to have someone around for those first 40-60 days cooking for us and taking care of our needs as we take care of babies needs. I was careful not to use the word luxury there as I don’t actually believe postpartum care should be considered a luxury, though it often is. 

Bliss balls aren’t the answer to everything (though some days it does feel like it!!) but they can be a great boost during the postpartum period when hunger strikes and you need something quick.

Read more

Why Blissful Mothers?

Having such a tough postpartum period (appreciating it’s not a competition, everyone’s ‘tough’ is different and that’s ok)  led to me knowing that my future work HAD to ease the path into motherhood for other women. To help them create their Village, sometimes maybe to BE their village, or at least part of it. To share with them the information they require to plan for their postpartum with the same level of thought and awareness that is already given to pregnancy, birth and subsequently to parenting.

Read more